Agentkooper Hulks Out

This one just put me over the top.  As originally seen on craigslist:

Desperately need a Salilite Dish 

I only have 10 channels that come in now that I have the convertor box. I have no cableand no money, is there anyone who can give me a salalite dish? Thank you 

My response:

Hello, 

I am writing in response to your request for a satelite dish on craigslist.  The title of the post refers to a desperate situtaion, in this case the need for a satalite (I'm assuming that is what you are begging for, despite the word "Salilite" in your post title) dish.  

I understand the issue is that you have only ten channels and are looking for a free satalite dish in order to pick up more channels.

Let me help you out with something.  A little vocabulary lesson if you will.  Webster's defines "desperate" as:

1 a:  having lost hope  b: giving no ground for hope 2 a: moved by despair  b: involving or employing extreme measuresin an attempt to escape defeat or frustration 3: suffering extreme need or anxiety 4: involving extreme danger or possible disaster 5: of extreme intensity
So, in case you have trouble understanding the above, a desparate situation would include being on the edge of starvation, unable to feed your family, with no hope of aid.  A desperate situation would be living in a region where at any time you could be dragged out into the street and shot in the head for your beliefs, or just for entertainment.
You, you spoiled asshole, are not desperate.  You're a lame piece of shit who can't imagine life with only 10 channels.  You are what is wrong with this world.
Go fuck yourself.