Agentkooper Hulks Out

This one just put me over the top.  As originally seen on craigslist:

Desperately need a Salilite Dish 

I only have 10 channels that come in now that I have the convertor box. I have no cableand no money, is there anyone who can give me a salalite dish? Thank you 

My response:

Hello, 

I am writing in response to your request for a satelite dish on craigslist.  The title of the post refers to a desperate situtaion, in this case the need for a satalite (I'm assuming that is what you are begging for, despite the word "Salilite" in your post title) dish.  

I understand the issue is that you have only ten channels and are looking for a free satalite dish in order to pick up more channels.

Let me help you out with something.  A little vocabulary lesson if you will.  Webster's defines "desperate" as:

1 a:  having lost hope  b: giving no ground for hope 2 a: moved by despair  b: involving or employing extreme measuresin an attempt to escape defeat or frustration 3: suffering extreme need or anxiety 4: involving extreme danger or possible disaster 5: of extreme intensity
So, in case you have trouble understanding the above, a desparate situation would include being on the edge of starvation, unable to feed your family, with no hope of aid.  A desperate situation would be living in a region where at any time you could be dragged out into the street and shot in the head for your beliefs, or just for entertainment.
You, you spoiled asshole, are not desperate.  You're a lame piece of shit who can't imagine life with only 10 channels.  You are what is wrong with this world.
Go fuck yourself.

I'm Your Biggest Fan!!

Just asking the obvious.  Original Craig's List post:

Desk Fan - $5

i have an brandnew desk fan still in the box and sealed look at the pictures iff u are interested please call me at ***-***-**** thanks !!!!

Sometimes it's fun just to be an asshole:

Hello,

I am very interested in purchasing your desk fan, but I am curious how you know that there is actually a fan inside the box if the box is sealed.  Could you open the box to make sure before this sale progresses?  Any pics proving it is a fan would be appreciated.

Thank you for your time.

Oh good God she opened it and responded twice:

hy there i m nicole !!!! i just opened the fan and it is a fan in there still rapped up and brandnew !!!! let me what u think or if u want them !!!! my number is ***-***-****   thanks

hy there !!!! i just opened it and it is a fan in there with everything still packed up let me know what u think or iff u wanna have it !!!! thanks or call me at ***-***-****

I was just going to ask her if she had a sealed one because I don't like to buy used, but Poop n Pee insists that I push this a bit farther.  Agentkooper's response:

Nicole,

Is there any chance I could get a scan of the front of the fan or a photo of the fan next a standard stuffed animal (like a Care Bear, Gloworm, etc.) so I can better gauge the size?  I have a very tight area I have to fit this into and I want to make sure it isn't too big.

Thanks for everything!  You are great to work with!

Believe it or not, she did respond to tell me that the picture of the fan, now opened, was posted (is that a stuffed animal in the picture?):

hy !!!! i have the picture edit to craigslist !!! take a look and let me know  thanks