Poop n Pee is all done with this shit!

Page after page of people begging for free stuff and then attaching strings to the giving (i.e. asking for a free car, but only if it's red) has finally forced Poop n Pee into action.  As origninally seen on craigslist:

Willing to beg so desperate (you deliver)

I would like a few million dollars, i see its okay to come here and post not such absurd requests, but down right disgusting selfish requests. Screw it, let me take the cake for you all. I work and hate my job and have never really not worked, so let me make you all feel better about yourselfs. 

I would like 1 million dollars no strings attached, no taxes, and nothing i owe in response. But like so many other requests, not only do i want 1 million cash, but i want to add an absurd twist to it, i want a beautiful naked woman to hand it to me in a He-man lunchbox (metal lunch box only mind you, and it must be in mint condition, i also get to keep the lunch box). 

Because if there is one thing i have realized from you beggars, be not only pathetic, but ungrateful, picky, and disgusting. 

P.s. the 1 million will get blown on hookers, drugs, video games and taco bell as i am desperate need to party. It might be life or death here if i dont! i will never work again but will go to church on sunday thank you in advance god bless. 


yes... i brought god into this to try and make you feel bad... GOD BLESS YOU 

A bunch of people gave Poop n Pee a big cheer:

Bravo... well said, you were waaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy too kind, but good job

.....you have been nominated for "best of craigslist"......keep up the good work.......

ROFLMFAO !!!!!! I have wanted to post something like that for ever!!!!

Then some beggars who didn't find it funny got it flagged and removed.  Bitches have no sense of humor.

Three Red Lights = Profit

This might be the biggest asshole post I've ever seen.  The guy has something broken and wants to trade it for something that isn't broken.  See Below:

I need an xbox 360 console

I am in need of a working xbox 360 console. All I need is the console and one controller...(preferably wireless). I have an xbox 360 console but it has the three red rings and dont feel like shipping it out to get repairs, also I am out of reach right now to those who can repair the unit locally in Western Washington. If you want it I am willing to trade it with a lil cash on top for your working unit or just shoot me a cash offer for your working unit. You can txt me at ***-***-**** or email me. 

The freaking balls on that guy.  My response below:

Hello,

Who says Craigslist doesn't work?!  I've been looking all over for a broken Xbox 360 for months!  However, I need to know some info before I commit.  What is the date the console was manufactured (back of console)?  Has it been in for service before?  I've wanted a picture with a broken 360 forever!  I've had 3 of them and not one has broken.  What are the chances of that?!  How much cash do you need from me to trade your broken one for my working one?

Thanks

Fish Food for Thought

I totally love it when people get the joke.  As originally seen on Craigslist:

Full size fish baby swing 

In good condition. I have 2 of them and only keeping one. Runs fine may need some batteries for the mobile. Call ***-***-**** or email me

Of course I must respond:

Hello,

I am interested in your craigslist posting.  After an attack by a large predator my wife and all of our prospective children were killed except for my son Nemo.  I imagine he would fit well in your swing, but one of his appendages was damaged in the attack.  Would he still be able to use it?

Marlin

And then the kind of response I love:

You have way too much time on your hands:)

Well played, well played indeed!

Would a Foo by any other name...

This guy is great.  Not only is he illiterate he also demands not to be taken for a foo.  I usually remove the location tag, but it turns out Tacom doesn't exist.  I probably could have left his phone numbers on as well without any risk of them being correct.  His post:

forean money - $40 (tacom)

i have about 40 dollars in iragy money. and would like to find someone that collects it. ive allready checked what and how much it is. so dont try to play me for a foo. call james at ***-***-**** or ***-***-**** 

And my response to our friend the Harvard Grad:

Hello,

I am a foriegn currency collector and I am very interested in your Iragy money as I have never heard of this country, nor can I find a currency exchange rate listed anywhere.  Could you please send me a description of where the country is?

This guy got back to me right away with this enlightening information:

its iraq. and sorry about the spelling i did not have the money i front of me at the time. and its the one befor saddam took over. the one with out his face one it. i have 2 25,000 dinars. wich comes out to almost 40$

How could I possibly be a bigger asshole?  See below:

Are you kidding me?  Of course I'll take it for $40.  I don't want to be rude, but in your earlier post you asked people not to take you for a foo!  Did you know that Saddam had all the money printed before he was placed on it burned?  Those bills are incredibly rare.  I think they are worth several hundred, or even thousands of dollars, depending on condition!  You'd be a foo for selling it for $40, but I'll buy them for that price for sure!!

Here is his response:

can you meet me some where on canyon road today i really need the money. and thanks for telling me that,  call me at ***-***-**** im james

I should probably lay off now, he sound pretty desperate.  Nevermind:

I tried to im you, but there is no one named James on my friends list, but honestly, I'm beginning to worry that maybe this is a bad idea.  You seem desperate for the $40, very desperate.  I'm concerned that you are just going to turn around and buy a 40 rock or a case of Thunderbird.  I don't think I can give you cash with a clear conscience, but I will give you canned food in exchange for the Dinars.  I have an ample supply of water chestnuts and cream of mushroom soup cans.  

I just want to help.

The ! Means He's Excited

This is so lame, but people post like this everyday expecting possible sellers to do all the work and the buyer can pick and choose as he likes.  Well, screw that.

As originally posted on Craigs List:

Looking for some video games!

Hello, I'm looking for any games that you have that you want to sell. Pending on the game and system, I will offer you $1 - $10 a game. Games that are COMPLETE (Box, Game, Instructions, any thing else inside the original box) are much more intriguing to me and you will get my attention first. Please let me know off the bat if they are complete. 
I'd prefer most older games. (Such as Nintendo or NES, Super Nintendo or SNES, Sega Genesis, Sega Saturn, Playstation 1 and 2, etc.) Not looking for the newer generations games like PS3 or XBOX360. I will buy lots, single games, anything, you name it! Please send me a list of what you have and if possible a picture of the item/items. 
I'm also looking for a few actual systems, so let me know what you have, and I'll let you know if im interested!

Agentkooper's Response:

Hello,

I'm going to be married soon and I don't think I'll have time for my old games.  It makes me sad, but if I can send them to someone who will appreciate them I'll feel much better.

I attached a picture of my collection (no time to list) but there are a few hundred of them.  I didn't realize that games were worth so much less without covers or instructions so I guess I can let the whole thing go for a few hundred.  Make an offer!

Just a few minutes after sending this email the guy was ready to go.  He sure likes him some games!!  His response:

Where are you located? Do you have the systems for the games?

Of course I do!  Don't be ridiculous:

I'm located in Bellevue.  I do have the consoles, but the NES is hard to get to work sometimes (lot's of blowing!, haha).  I also have more than what's in the picture, but like I said, I thought they were worth a lot until I read your post saying games weren't complete without box, instructions and stuff.  So just make an offer.  I'll make a list of games if that will make it easier to come up with a fair price.  It's hard to tell in the picutre, but there are some folders that have sega saturn games in them.

Damn, this guy is keeping me busy.  His response:

if you had a list that would be great.

So he writes 9 words and wants me to send him a huge ass list so he can then decide if he wants the games or not.  I'm only too happy to oblige:

It's going to take me a little while.  I'll be done in an hour or two.

I thought that might guilt him a bit, but no, several responses in a row:

Are there many sports games? I am not really looking for sports games.

 

Thanks

And then in response to me being done in an hour or two:

sounds good 

And because he is such a good guy:

you dont need to list any of the atari stuff

So we thought we'd give him a nerd-gasm:

Is it going to be worth more than $200?  Otherwise I don't know if I want to take the time.  Will you be able to pick up?

How nice of him to respond:

How about $200 - $300?? Could you just list the systems and how many games? Yes I could pick up

 

thanks

More from me:

OK, I'll get on it right away!  Should I just throw the Atari stuff out then?

And his response:

No dont throw the Atari stuff out. Do you have many Mario Games or Contra?

I decided not to list everything I told him I had on here, but the list I copied can be found on this site: http://www.phillip.htmlplanet.com/photo3.html

I hope he tries to lo-ball me now:

It should probably be $300 just for how long it took to type this list (LOL!)  Seriously though, I know it's a pain to drive all the way here so just make a fair offer.  I know the Saturn wasn't very popular and the Atari is old and I don't have boxes so it's not a very good collection.  Just let me know what is a fair price.

I guess the list wasn't good enough because he sent this back in two seperate emails:

Can you please list how many controllers you have for each system

 

Thanks

and:

Do have an Nintendo 64?

My response:

I do, but I'm giving those to charity

I feel really bad for him because he sent me this:

darn I was really looking for 1

And then the final offer:

Would you take $250.00 cash?

For that collection?  $250... cash?  Wow!  An awesome deal!  3k worth of games for $250!  Nice!  Of course I'll take $250!

As long as that is fair.  Of course I'll take $250!!!

But I wouldn't want to put him out:

I cant get up there until this weekend

Now to find out if the guy has any soul at all:

Ok, that sounds good!  I didn't want to tell you earlier because I didn't want to make you feel guilty and pay more than the games are worth, but all of this is going toward hip replacement surgery to cure a degenerative bone disease that will take my leg if I don't get the surgery done in time.  So thanks for being a fair dealer.  This will help a lot toward the $20,000-$30,000 it's going to cost!  

Why don't you email me on Friday and we can set up a meeting time.

Thanks again!  This is what makes craigslist so great!

It turns out he feels really bad for me:

Thanks....If you had the Nintendo 64 and i had some more cash i would have loved to offer more. My wife is going to kill me. She thinks I am crazy for collecting video games. I already have 1000's of video games. I used to collecte them when I was younger but started back collecting them to help stop a gambling problem I had. What was your name? My name is Ryan.

 

Thanks

If only I had the Nintendo 64 this would have been so much better for him, I mean me, I mean him:

Alvin Cooper

Nice to meet you

Cold, Cold World

I'm not going to be contacting this guy, but it's too good not to show:

50+ blue and orange popsicles

My kids only eat red popsicles, so here I am again, with a freezer full of blue and orange popsicles . . . . Free to anyone who can pick them up today. Tell me what time you can be hear (I'm near Steilacoom and Bridgeport) and I'll send the address to whoever can be hear first.

Hating Toys

Poop n Pee put me onto this one because he is an asshole.

As oringally seen on Craigs List:

Easter Bunny - A MUST HAVE!! - $25

Get both of these cuddly "Easter bunny bears" for only $25... They are NEW!!!! NOT USED! 9.5" 2 Assorted Color Sitting Bears wearing rabbit ears. Bears are assorted tan and brown. Each is wearing a jelly bean ribbon and holding a decorated Easter egg. WONT LAST LONG... LIMITED SUPPY.... EMAIL ASAP...

Our response:

Hello,

According to your listing on Craigs List the product you are offering, two bears dressed in Easter attire, "are NEW!!!! NOT USED!".  I am interested, but only if you promise that no child has cuddled, looked at while smiling, or in any other way brought joy to these Easter bears.  I realize this request may sound strange, but my children demand emotionally deprived or even abused toys as they believe it makes the toy more self reliant on them, and thankful for any amount of attention they show.

Thank you

I like this guy!  His response:

LOL... Yep!  Thats all I have are emotionally deprived toys looking for a home...

Don't we all... Don't we all.